for forgetting


1. One Friday night, I did not come home. You worried about me, and you were right to. I spent hours in the bed of a stranger, curled up in sheets consumed in soft skin and wet lips. This was the first time I embraced the caress of a stranger. The air held words full of comfort, and the walls now wear the memory of pleasure. This was the night that allowed me to see that sometimes it’s alright to indulge in spontaneity. It’s alright to go home to an unfamiliar bed. It’s alright to leave your panties on the floor.

2. My first kiss occurred between the lips I call my own, and those of an older man that you used to call friend. His life was dripping in success; a good job, a beautiful daughter, and a loving wife. He was a good man, you used to say that anyway. So good he tried to tell me that what he was doing was alright, and I should not try to fight. So good that he told me if I ever spoke up, he would deny it. So good he looks at me with blazing eyes and a strong gaze every time I try to escape his sight. I can feel the heat of his presence within my limbs and it makes me wish I could crawl out of my skin. His face still appears every time someone asks me of my first time, and now I cannot help but wonder how something like that can happen to your child, and you don’t even blink.

3. I almost missed my entire final year of high school because I was always telling you that I felt too sick to eat. I would make up stomach aches and pains that wouldn’t go away, with the hopes that maybe you would. The lies stuck and I got thinner and I finally felt beautiful. I imagined one day that you would start to notice and you’d take me to one doctor after another, until I finally confessed to you that I wasn’t ill, I was just a daughter searching for the approval of her Mother.

4. There is a vibrator under the life sized stuffed animal beside my bed. I bought it with last years Christmas money.

5. In the eighth grade, I would come home with my friends and we would steal the alcohol from your cabinet to drink on our lunch break. Thirty-five minutes is all it took for six fourteen year old girls to swallow an entire bottle. We would stumble around, rushing to clean up before we had to run back to school. I never told any of them that I drank the bottles with the hopes that my Father wouldn’t.

"Five secrets I would never tell my mother." - Mariah Gordon-Dyke

11:27 pm  219 notes

11:14 pm  5,860 notes

I can smell you on my skin,
and my sweaters no longer
feel the same now that they
have seen the way yours
fall off your shoulders.
My forehead has never 
felt as chilled as it does now
that it has felt the warmth
of your lips, and my fingers
still envy the look of the
paper after your thoughts
have been spilt all over them.
What I am trying to say is that
your presence still remains 
even though you are no longer
around for me to breathe in.

9:32 pm  127 notes

someone asked me what I love,
and I caught myself slipping as
I allowed your name to roll along
my tongue and out between my lips, 
and I cannot help but wonder if it
will always be like this.

11:18 pm  130 notes

I let go of every promise I made, every letter I sent, and every dream I shared. I let go of what our future could have been and the things in our past that held us back. I let go of ever hoping that we could push through this and that our story would be the one that would work out. I let go of you and everything you taught me and I push your memory from my mind because you will always be a constant reminder that I lost my ability to love. I am letting go because you left me behind and loneliness has become a friend of mine.

11:52 pm  106 notes

     give me the pieces,
       I will put myself
    back together.

    and there is no doubt
         in my mind that 
    these things
       must get better. 

           I know it’s alright
      to give up the fight;

    I always heard
        that no one makes it
     out of love alive.

2:42 pm  129 notes

I will smile whenever I hear
your name, and I will let go
of everything that defined
my love for you, because
I know that is what you
want me to do.

2:35 pm  123 notes

I am boarding up my windows
and closing every door.
You will never find me.

2:20 pm  137 notes

It’s ok to walk away from people that don’t treat you like you deserve to be treated. It’s ok to eat 13 grilled cheese sandwiches at a time. It’s ok to sleep until 6 P.M. and it’s ok not to sleep at all. It’s ok to do whatever the heck you want because it’s your life and you’re the only person that you need to worry about.

10:38 pm  1,375 notes

I am better now
that I met you,
and darling you
should have known
that I never wanted
to go on without you.

1:07 am  140 notes

1 A.M. and
I cannot help
but feel hopeless,
like nothing 
will ever save me
from the ache
of your memory.

As 2 A.M. hits
I can once again
feel the pierce
of your lips against
my fragile skin.

By 3 A.M. 
I realize that
I will never feel 
at home in this
bed again.
Your presence 
lives on like 
a stain on the
palms of
my hands.

So when 4 A.M.
rolls around, I
allow the darkness
to swallow up 
the parts of you
that remain,
and I hope 
that tomorrow
will be a better day.

1:05 am  209 notes

blah blah blah something about emotions blah blah blah

10:07 pm  212 notes

Time never taught me
how to let you go.
I’m losing my mind,
and I’ve already lost you.

8:28 pm  138 notes

It hurts to remember
what it feels like to love,
and what it feels like
to love you in particular.
Without you, my bones
are weak and the blood
in my veins runs cold.

3:04 pm  130 notes

Your presence
only remains
within my life
behind closed eyes.

2:31 pm  105 notes

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